Well, I've been in the hospital on bed rest for a little over two weeks now and we've hit our first milestone. Baby boy is 24 weeks old today!!! This is great news because he is getting bigger and stronger every day. Today I'll be getting some treatments to boost his brain and lung function, since we're almost sure that he'll make his grand appearance early.
I got upgraded to the "presidential suite" aka, the wheelchair accessible room, since I'm here for the long haul. I'm rocking my silk pillowcase and monogrammed blanket, thanks to mom, and my sisters have decked the halls in this joint!
For the first few days, I couldn't pray, read scripture, worship or think about my husband without crying buckets of tears. With swollen red eyes and tired face I pretty much looked like death. I'm not one to leave the house without a little makeup, but those first days I didn't care. There was no use fighting the tears. I was just so overwhelmed. I was so unsure about how things would go with the baby. I was sad and worried about counseling clients I was leaving, feeling guilty about my sweet husband assuming all household responsibilities and grieving the loss of my freedom and our last days as a just the two of us. Ohh and let's not even talk about money or all of the things I had procrastinated on that will remain undone as I lay here.
Needless to say, I'm learning a lot about relinquishing control. I'm settling into this life and I'm glad to say that I've gotten past the tear-filled days and only cry every few days now. Let's be honest though, that's not uncommon for me. My tears are all purpose... they're happy-sad-angry-frustrated-tired and everything in between tears. On a side note, God bless my dear parents, husband, and friends for putting up with all of these tears for my whole life.
There are plenty of things that I don't like about hospital life; feeling "stuck", asking for help with everything, being woken up at crazy hours for a blood pressure check, and eating (hospital food) in bed top my list. The things as have been a struggle, though, have also been a blessing. For example, having an IV for a few days meant that I didn't get dehydrated from crying all the time, and even though it's a struggle for this introvert to have folks in and out all day and night, the hospital staff have been unbelievably kind and humorous and they have taken wonderful care of us! I get to feel this little guy moving and squirming all day long, when I may have been distracted or standing and not felt as much. I've thought more about the life of people who are quadriplegic or suffer from illness and spend all of their days like this. I've reflected about how I treat my own patients and clients. The scriptures are more alive to me and worship feels more genuine than it has In a long while. Nothing like a little life change to renew and give me fresh eyes and ears.
I've realized that the Lord is using this time of interruptions, sacrifice, and everything being out of my control to prepare me for motherhood. Apparently I was such a tough case that I needed a serious time out to get things in check. :)
I've already had so many wonderful family and friends visit and that has been a gift I can never repay. My sweet husband had handled this like a rock star, visiting daily, encouraging, doing my laundry and bringing all of the random stuff I ask for. I've also passed the time counting ceiling tiles, watching cheesy hallmark movies, coloring, reading parenting info and listening podcasts, working on our baby registry, watching "the newborn channel" and FB stalking, of course. I've been blown away, blessed, and encouraged by all of the sweet calls, texts, messages and visitors. Honestly, I'm so so grateful and humbled by the prayers and support from so many people. Sometimes I'm not even sure how to handle it all, but again, it's an area that the Lord is growing me. I've never been great at letting folks in or accepting help so this is stretching me in a whole new way! Thank you for your sweetness friends, and please be patient with me if I'm slow or totally space out on you. Know that I'm so grateful for every bit of love you offer and I'm still learning how to show it.
Please continue to pray for us and let me know how we can pray for you too!
